RESOLVING CONFLICTS

This was culled from a page somewhere... i hope it touches a heart or more, Enjoy!

Conflicts are natural to romantic relationships. There is no one couple that has not experienced disagreements and some fighting in the course of the partnership. And as many as there are instances when the yin clashes with the yang, there, too, are healthy ways to resolve them without having to resort to breakup threats.

For example, if you've set up a dinner date with your partner and he or she turns up two hours late, your first instinct is to lash out at him or her and machine-gun enumerate all the mistakes he or she has done in the past. It doesn't take a genius to know that this is a no-no.

Before you make any assumptions and go HYSTERIC, hear the explanation out first. No conflict has ever been resolved with a hot head. It will be difficult but once you've understood why he or she was not able to make it to your date on time you'll be thankful you efforted to be calm and patient. Of course, if the person does this all the time, then perhaps a scolding is in order.

There are many things you can do resolve conflicts.

You can invite your partner out for a make up date,you can cook dinner or buy flowers or you can write a sweet letter or record a romantic song.

These sound like really cheesy ideas, but they often work -- because they can be rather funny.

In the height of an argument, inserting a joke or a funny comment at the right time can have you both laughing ang giggling, and eventually forgetting that you were bickering.

There are two things vital to conflict resolution: listening, not just hearing, and knowing when it's time to back down. A fight between a couple is not a competition.

Couples often get into a screaming match because each wants the other to see only his or her point of view. This is why things get messy. While it's sometimes not really your fault that you're arguing, it won't hurt to raise up your hands and wave the white flag (if only to end the screaming match that's really getting nowhere).

If you love the person you're with, pride and dominance should not be an issue. Of course, this doesn't mean that you have to be acquiescent and submissive.

When you listen to the other person's point of view, you have to truly open your ears and mind. Do not harbor preconceived notions about the what’s and whys of the argument. More importantly, do not dwell on the what-ifs. What-ifs are things that may or may not happen, and basing your argument on what could have been will just have both of you going in dizzying circles.

In the end, accept that conflicts are common and are inevitable. You are two different people in one relationship. You will predictably end up at a point where your ideas will be at odds. The best thing you can do is to understand at the onset that this is natural and that, when it happens, you two have to sit down and hear each other out first before making any conclusions. Of course, this is easier said than done. But what successful relationship hasn't experienced trouble? It is this that builds a stronger bond.

So how about giving these a chance?

Love you!

'N'

How to Spot a Liar!

He is sweet, charming, everything you need in a man.
He seems to know the right words to say, his tongue is so sugar-coated you could neutralise the effect of gall.
Oh! you caught him say something that sounded untrue.
Again?
Oh-Oh! Wait a minute, Is he really the guy whose advances you yielded to?
Here, we are...
He is nothing but a wanna-be phonie!

You can choose to confront the situation at the onset, or let it blow over and worry about the consequences later. However, more likely than not, you won’t like how things are going to turn out.
Don’t allow yourself to be hoodwinked. Read about the telltale signs below and you’re sure to find out if your sweetie is betraying you or not.


Being Overly Defensive.

When you question a guilty person of his whereabouts the previous night, more often than not, he will start throwing accusations at you, like telling you how possessive you are even though it was just the first time you dropped the question. His mission is to put you on a tense mode so the attention will be veered away from him. Thus, start to be wary when your guy suddenly reacts violently with a simple a question as “So, what were you doing last night?”


Being Paranoid.
Some people feed their partners’ paranoia just to conceal their own infidelities. He will either accuse you of seeing someone else, for you not to get the idea that he’s really the one fooling you. So the next time he starts pointing the finger at you, reply with “Why are you always paranoid, are you sure I have no reasons to be either?” Then see how he reacts. Guilty persons will be taken aback with that kind of question.


Being Over Confident.

By and large, a show of over confidence usually denotes bluffing. It is because some people think that by acting confident, they can make others believe that they have the power and credibility in everything they say or do. Wrong; because if someone is really certain about what he says or does, there’s no need for him to act all-knowing.


Catch the Fish Through It’s Mouth.

Although the greatest of liars have already mastered the art of telling a lie by projecting a guiltless look and answer. There are still clue-words to watch out for in his answers to find out if he’s really fibbing or not. The reply “I can't explain anything about that” when you ask him about the reason why he needs to attend an out of town seminar, is a sign that he is avoiding having to give out extra information for fear of being caught.


Answering “I don't remember” when you insist that he tell you where he has been the night his cell phone was out of reach, is a clear-cut sign that he doesn’t care to look back on his unfaithfulness and he needs to end the conversation at once. These replies are just some of the examples identified by a retired Maryland State Police, Investigation and Interviewing and Interrogation expert, in a course titled “Identifying Lies in Disguise.”
However, these are merely indicators that a person might not be telling the truth, so they must not be used as a sole basis for convicting someone. Rather, use them as a signal for you to investigate further to avoid getting duped.


Pauses before Answering.

If it takes forever for your guy to answer a single question that is answerable by a simple yes or no, then it’s time to switch that radar on. He might still be collecting his thoughts and trying to make up stories to fool you. Wake up and smell the coffee. It’s obvious, even without a cheater detector, and you can automatically sense if he’s doing nasty things behind your back.

Is Your Man A Loser?

Hi folks, it feels good falling in love and knowing that someone feels the same about you but sometimes some guys love to play on ladise' emotions. More like taking advantage of their 'yes'.
Here are tips on some kind of men not to hook up with. Guys, don't get all crossed. This is for the sisters.

The Abuser
This kind of guy is bad news. He can start out as a gentleman and tell you he'll never do or say anything to hurt you again after he does. But, the truth of the matter is, he won't change. If a guy has a nasty temper and begins to show inclinations toward abuse (either physically or verbally), you should get out of that relationship at once.
Abusive guys start out nice and you probably won't be able to spot them until they're in abuse mode. This usually comes out when your relationship turns serious and he starts to become possessive and aggressive. If he has hit you once, don't believe him when he says he won't do so again. He will and you should leave.

The Meantime Guy
Or, as most women like to call him, the "I Have No Idea What I Saw In Him" guy. He may seem all right at first. That is, you started going out with him because he seemed like a nice person and he was available. However, when it boils down to the nitty gritty of the relationship itself, you discover that your relationship really has no strong foundation. You have nothing to talk about and share no interests in common. Worse, you cringe when people see you together in public. It's not really him that's the problem. It's the basis of the relationship - very shallow.
Why are you still with this guy, again? End it now.

The Self-Absorbed Guy
This guy only thinks of himself and does not care about your opinions. He believes that you will never equal him and that you should just pay attention to fulfilling HIS needs (making yours only secondary and, therefore, unimportant). He does not want you to share his level and it will be futile to try to make him think in your favor. You're worth more than this kind of treatment. You should be with someone who shares the limelight with you and listens to what you have to say.

The Suddenly Distant Guy
Girls should watch out for this kind of guy because he can never stay put in one place, or in one relationship, for too long. Sure, some guys start out great but, then, all of a sudden, with no obvious reason, he becomes distant and acts all weird. Slowly you grow apart. You bang your head against the wall trying to explain his behavior and what might have triggered it.
Often, your paranoia will lead you to believe that something is wrong with you. There isn't. He is the problem. If he won't share his feelings and problems with you, it's not likely that your relationship will flourish any further. End it while it's still bearable. You will only be dragging the occurrence of the inevitable (a breakup) if you hold on and try to convince yourself that things will eventually change.

FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE TO AVOID!

Outrageous lifestyles of the very successful are envied by most of the world. Are you part of the envied? Or are you part of the envying? If you are living a successful life by your own standards, congratulations. If you haven’t quite reached that level yet, then this article is for you.
There are several characteristics that those who practice successful living possess. The characteristics listed below are NOT any of them. In fact, they are the opposite. See if you possess these characteristics and, if you do, my advice to you is… change.

The Dreadful Dud

The dreadful dud is the person who answers questions with one word. Any time there is anyone who wants to initiate a conversation with the Dreadful Dud, the conversation is dead before it gets started. These people are not mean or necessarily rude.

They just don’t believe they have much to contribute, so they cut it short as much as possible. Consequently, the conversations become fewer and fewer.

Eventually, the Dreadful Dud gets the reputation of the dull guy or girl. Or

you might say he or she is a dud. Don’t be a dud. Practice your natural personality. Did you know that you were created to enjoy life? Did you know that life is meant to be tasted?

There are juices inside to be experienced. When was the last time you took a chance? Live life as it’s something to be loved. Practice makes perfect. Practice passion. Practice charisma. It’s who you really are.


The Social Soloist

The Social Soloist is the person who never begins to live and love life. This

person finds him/herself at home, alone, on the couch, every night, watching silly reality programs. The Social Soloist finds purpose in who is going to have to eat the next set of buffalo testicles or who is going to be kicked off an island.

The irony of the whole thing is the Social Soloist is at home experiencing

nothing while he/she watches those who are actually living and loving life.

Does that make sense? Instead of trying to escape through the boob tube, get out and meet people. If you must start small, invite some people over to watch a decent movie.

Eventually, it will develop into a social fun time and, who knows, it just may

move out of the TV room.


The Pitiful Procrastinator

Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow. Ever hear that one?

How ridiculous! Have you ever known anyone that lived by this motto? How

frustrating! The Pitiful Procrastinator always finds him/herself stressed out

and behind in life. Why? They keep putting it off! Everything is always put

off until later. Nothing is ever done in time. And when it eventually gets done,

it’s shoddy and half-way completed.

They just want to hurry up and get over with… whatever “it” is. Laundry. Homework. Dishes.

Meetings. Confrontation. Putting gas in the car. Changing Careers. You name

it, it never gets done when it needs to get done. Life will pass the Pitiful

Procrastinator by. And when it’s too late to make up his/her mind, regret

will take hold. Do not let regret arise and dominate your mind. Instead, take

control of your mind right now. Make a freakin list and stick by it! Don’t fall

prey to the practice of the Pitiful Procrastinator. Remember, practice

makes perfect.


The Unknown Optimist

These people have such positive energy they could suck the life out of

the room if they were to make a phone call during a New Years Eve party.

While everyone is having such a good time, making plans and looking

forward to the future, the unknown optimist looks to the dark side. The unknown

optimist looks to the dark side of everything. If you were to tell this person that

he just one $1,000.000.00, he would say something like, “Great! Now I’m going to be

in a higher tax bracket and have to pay more taxes.”

The unknown optimist lives in a vacuum that you do not want to live in. It’s

the “everything sucks” vacuum. Take inventory of your overall attitude.

Don’t take the extreme opposite route either. If you go to the opposite extreme,

you’ll find yourself on the Pollyanna platform. A great place to be is in the

realistic but optimistic middle. While you’re there, be sure to live and love life.

BEING SINGLE AND ENJOYING IT!

Let's be honest. No one really wants to be alone for the rest of theIr life. But does being alone mean you're doomed to be miserable forever? Definitely not! And does being single have to equal lonely? No way! You can have the best time of your life when you're single, but you wouldn't know that from our relationship obsessed society, where celebrity magazines devote the majority of their content to who's dating whom and the wedding industry is a $100-billion business.

Yet more than a third of marriages end in divorce, and countless other couples languish in unions that shouldn't have happened in the first place. The single life is replete with liberties that you could not imagine. Here are the top 10 reasons you should consider taking a hiatus from the relationship arena and remain single.

10. You don't have to tolerate moodiness & nagging

Relish not being the target of anyone's inexplicable mood swings, and the calm that comes when there's no nagging. When you wake up on the couch, you'll know it's because you chose to pass out there.

9. You can gain weight without worrying

Just as you can spend more time buffing up at the gym, you can also just chill and let yourself go for a little while. When you're not on the market, you don't have to worry about looking like an Adonis every day. Enjoy the pleasure of occasionally being a slob. Just don't go so far that you can't trim down in time for when you decide to start hunting.

8. You can appreciate your independence

You can use your newfound free time for solitary fun, as well as self-improvement. Being single forces you to do things for yourself, like cook, do laundry and tidy up your pad. Being skilled at many things makes you a more complete, well-rounded person - a great card to hold when you decide to reenter the dating market.

7. You can control your finances

Being single gives you full financial freedom, and you never have to worry about paying for dinner or buying presents. However, understand that this does not mean that you will save money - on the contrary; you might be spending more on partying, buying drinks, dressing well, and so on. But at least you are the master of every single dollar you spend.

6. You have more time for activities

When you're single, you have no reason to sit around doing nothing. Want to harden your body at the gym? Play a new instrument? How about watch the Die Hard trilogy for the 11th time? Who's stopping you? Look forward to being spontaneous, not having to answer to anyone and flirting like crazy...

5. You don't have to deal with another's personal habits

Now there's no irritating habits to tolerate. You can sleep peacefully without anyone's annoying snoring and hog all the blankets without a care in the world. You have no one to pick up after but yourself. Give your patience a well-deserved break and live in unflustered.

4. You can be spontaneous

Being single lets your break out of the numbing cycle of routine. Be daring while you can. Not only will you be doing something out of the ordinary, you can do it without double-checking with someone else first. This is the height of freedom.

3. You can focus on your career

Life is a juggling act in which you have to keep the many elements aloft, paying equal attention to each one. But if you let one drop, you can channel your forces to the remaining parts. In the absence of a relationship, you'll have much more time to devote to your work. You can put in those extra hours on a project to impress your boss, and even take on something else. And you don't have to worry about sacrificing your love life, as you'll be single and vigorous.

2. You can be your own boss

Relationships are synonymous with compromise. You eventually have to sacrifice something you really like for the good of the pair. Use your single time to treat yourself a little more. In small doses, selfishness is good for the soul. Being your own boss also means answering to no one. Enjoy not having to explain your actions.

1. You can flirt as you please

Being single gives you the complete freedom to flirt with whomever you want, whenever you want.

Just as with meeting someone in person, finding your soul mate or love of your life can take some time. Just because a few weeks have gone by and you're not really excited about anyone you've met doesn't mean they don't exist. It also gives you the chance to sharpen your mojo so that, before you know it, you'll be the master player on your block. Since you're unattached, take this opportunity to master the art of seduction, and who knows what rewards you'll reap.

WHEN YOU DON'T LIKE 'YOU.'

I posted something close to this last year but the attitude a lot of people; especially the youths, put up made me go back to that topic.
Many people look at celebrities, their friends and colleagues, wishing they were the those people. You wish you were richer, sexier, taller, fairer and evryother word that has to do with 'rer'.
Some people actually let their wishes turn into envy. That you unconsciously begin to compete with the other person.
I know a lady who resorted to bleaching creams because she wished she had a lighter complexion as her friend. All she succeeded doing was destroy her skin. Not only did she not achieve the fair complexion her friend had but she had patches on her skin which were adverse effects of hydroquinone.
Some people totally reject themselves just because they live in the illusion of becoming someone else.
Don't get me wrong, it is not bad to admire someone. You can admire the way someone grooms him/herself and apply a thing or two to improve your body care. But there lies a thin line between admiration and envy. The feeling is totally wrong when you feel a tinge of hatred.
Envy makes you smaller than you think you are. It reduces your creativity as you put in a lot of effort to either compete with the other person or you try to be the other person.

Now, that will do for envy.

* Lack of self worth is a terrible vice.
It rips you off the confidence you spent your whole life building.
Never think you are good for nothing else you would not be here in the first place.

Some people; maybe your parent, boss, teacher may make you doubt your self worth by the venomous words they spit out at you but you are the one who can change all of that. That is by the way you treat yourself.

If you feel you can never do anything right,
- take your time to cool off.
It is actually a way your mind tells you it needs a break.

- Stay in a serene envionment and re-assess your life.

- Those who have made it don't have two heads or more eyes than you do, actually the amount of hard work they put into their lives turned things around for them.

- If you don't know your talent, try to discover it.
What can you do effortlessly? That is what makes you positively different from others. It will make you unique if you put your best to it.

- Ask a good friend of yours to point out your strengths. Capitalize on those strengths and boost your ego with them but hey, don't be arrogant!

- Accept constructive criticisms and spare no time on ego-stripping conversations.

The person whom you admire may yearn so much to have that which you have.

So why don't you start appreciating yourself?

I know you are better than you think you are, just make your body, soul and spirit ooze it for all to see.

'If you want to be a Millionaire, think like a Millionaire.'

I love you.

VALENTINE'S DAY!

This period is the most infectious. Just like the yuletide, you perceive 'love' in the air. Gift shops are filled with people shuffling shelves for presentable gifts to offer their beloved ones. Ladies who had doubted the sincerity of their men look forward to the 'D-day' with both fear and excitement, Playboys rack their brains for possible excuses to give their numerous preys, lovers look forward to giving their their best to their loved ones; either via gifts or with the union of their bodies.

Valentine days reek of all forms of love. Agape, Erotic or the 'just friends' love.
My heart palpitates as the 'day' draws near...

The big question is, Do We Really Love on Valentine's Day?

Many have bought sexy lingeries and erotic perfumes to wear on 'that day', these are so nice but are we not missing out something?

This blog should be glittering with all sorts of love poems one could think of. Ones you could send to your loved ones, just to let them know that you care.
This blog is basically about 'LOVE'.

BUT...

There are a lot of people who would give anything to be smiled at everyday. They are human beings like us, it's just sad that fate had to put them in their present predicament.
Most of us were born into homes filled with love. As a matter of fact,many looked forward to the day they would see the beautiful bundle of love that had been hidden from human eyes for nine months(us). There were lots of flowers, bibs and baby gifts given to our parents to welcome us into the world. People carried us in turns.

This is not the same with everyone. Some babies were born into the world, rejected.
Some of these babies were hated from the day they were confirmed alive. Some of these babies never had the 'loving motherly cuddling' babies receive, most of these babies were dumped in hideous places which culminated in various infections that left them sickly. Some were mutilated as foetus that they are presently disabled. These babies just like every baby stretch out their arms, yearning to be carried and appreciated like other babies. These babies starve because only few people remember they exist. These babies yearn for your love this Valentine's day.

How about the beggars on the street. Some walk past them, wringing their noses at the supposed 'gory' sight. They are human beings like You and I. These people don't experience the joy we do. They don't enjoy the luxury we enjoy. I doubt they know what Chicken tastes like. On festive days, they remain at the same spot you see them, begging for alms, only to be given #5 or #10.

The hospital beds still have patients writhing in pain, even on Valentine's day.
Some of them feel left out. Some of them depend on artificial oxygen to breathe, some virtually live on medications, some o them have been left behind by relatives that feel they've had enough of their complaints. These people need your love.

Valentine's day is a beautiful day. I am glad a day was set aside to 'love'.
While shopping for your Valentine gifts, how about buying a 'little something' for either the 'motherless' babies, the beggar on the street or something sweet for someone you don't know at a hospital.

This is one of the ways you can touch people's lives on Valentine's day.
You will not only place a smile on the face of the person you give to but also on God's.
Who knows, you may be giving God something this Valentine...

'When i was hungry you gave me to eat, when i was thirsty...'
'Lord when did i see you hungry and ofFered you food?'
'Surely, as you did to men, YOU DID TO ME!'

LET US SHARE LOVE THIS VALENTINE'S DAY and beyond.

I wish you a lovely Val's day.