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...where we treat Vital Issues.

18.12.07

How to survive the unthinkable - being rejected from a relationship


Putting the pieces back together again - when 'We' becomes 'I' again


No one escapes the pain caused by rejection. Time comes when, for no obvious incident and reason, another person turned against us and throws some unkind remark. Rejection is an inevitable part of our life and it can be one of the greatest fears that can cause utmost damage to our personality and to our life. When someone rejects us, we have a propensity to feel so small, unloved, worthless, very much insecure and insignificant. We even lose our self-confidence oftentimes and worse, rejection could lead us in doing something disgraceful like some form of vengeance. But it all boils down to one thing – the truth that whoever we are and no matter how tough you may be, being rejected really hurts.

Rejection comes in various forms and may occur even in the smallest ways. But whatever the situation is, we always tend to blame ourselves for being rejected even if we know that it is the other person’s problem and not ours. The way we deal with rejection is really important in helping us uphold our self-respect and dignity. And this is the reason why there are lots of writings in the magazines, in books and even in the net, regarding how to handle rejection. Since rejection happens in many ways, info on how to handle rejection also varies. There are articles that contain steps on how to handle rejection from a loved one, how to handle rejection from significant others, how to handle rejection on dating, how to handle rejection on marriage, how to handle rejection for writers and a lot more tips on how to handle rejection from various persons and in different situations.

Unfortunately, we cannot stay away from rejection but we must keep in mind that it can be destructive only if we internalize it and permit it to go through our belief system. It is truly important to be equipped with knowledge on how to handle rejection because it will help us accept ourselves. Aside from that, learning the correct way on how to handle rejection can help us easily overcome the feeling of being worthless, lack of self-esteem, and our failure to build healthy relationships with other persons.

Being rejected is really a painful experience that can oftentimes stop us from doing the things that we have to. So if we you want to learn how to handle rejection, here are some steps. Have confidence. If you consider rejection as a curse, then confidence can heal it. If you have self-confidence, then you are organized, and you feel good about yourself so you don’t have to worry on what other people will think about you. This means that the more confident you are, the better you will be good in handling different forms of rejection.

The next tip on how to handle rejection is to have time to reflect and think of new perspective and inner learning. Bear in mind that if someone rejects you, he or she has been rejected before. And dumping you is just a sort of defense mechanism. It is also important to know yourself. Know your weaknesses and maintain your sense of humor, your open perspective and your bubbling confidence.

Writers are among those who always suffer the pain of rejection. But there are also many ways on how to handle rejection for writers. You can be a better, a stronger and more effective writer if you equip yourself with some steps on how to handle rejection from an editor or other persons. First, remember the reason why you write. If you do it because you need to say something or simply because you are enjoying it, and you don’t have intention to publish it, then rejection can’t be a problem. The next step on how to handle rejection for writers is to study your “rejected” manuscript very well. If it needs more time and work, then give your piece of writing the scrutiny it deserves.

If you want, you can ask a trusted writer friend or an editor to critique your manuscript and give constructive criticism. Revise your work if it needs to and submit it to a new publisher. Be confident and consider rejection as a challenge. Another vital thing in learning how to handle rejection is to bear in mind that editors have dissimilar needs and tastes. So you don’t have to listen to everything they say.

Since we all hate being not liked, studying various means in how to handle rejection is a must. It takes away the feeling of wanting to crawl back into our shells until we feel good and stronger again. Also, internalizing these steps on how to handle rejection help us feel good about ourselves.



Anger management tips: Tame your temper


Controlling your temper isn't always easy. But these effective anger management techniques will help give you the upper hand.


If your outbursts, rages or bullying are negatively affecting relationships with family, friends, co-workers and even complete strangers, it's time to change the way you express your anger. You can take steps on your own to improve your anger management.

Anger management tips
Here are some anger management tips to help get your anger under control:


- Take a "time out." Although it may seem cliche, counting to 10 before reacting, or leaving the situation altogether, really can defuse your temper.


- Do something physically exerting. Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you're about to erupt. Go for a brisk walk or a run, swim, lift weights or shoot baskets.


- Find ways to calm and soothe yourself. Practice deep-breathing exercises, visualize a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase to yourself, such as "take it easy." You can also listen to music, paint, journal or do yoga.


- Once you're calm, express your anger as soon as possible so that you aren't left stewing. If you simply can't express your anger in a controlled manner to the person who angered you, try talking to a family member, friend, counselor or another trusted person.


- Think carefully before you say anything so that you don't end up saying something you'll regret. Write a script and rehearse it so that you can stick to the issues.
Work with the person who angered you to identify solutions to the situation.


- Use "I" statements when describing the problem to avoid criticizing or placing blame. For instance, say "I'm upset you didn't help with the housework this evening," instead of, "You should have helped with the housework." To do otherwise will likely upset the other person and escalate tensions.


- Don't hold a grudge. Forgive the other person. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want.


- Use humor to release tensions, such as imagining yourself or the other person in silly situations. Don't use sarcasm, though — it's just another form of unhealthy expression.


- Keep an anger log to identify the kinds of situations that set you off and to monitor your reactions.


- Practice relaxation skills. Learning skills to relax and de-stress can also help control your temper when it may flare up.

Loneliness


Loneliness is a painful and frightening life experience for some people. Women over age 55 are more likely to report loneliness than other women. Death, moving away or divorce can cause people to feel lonely. Older adults are a significant group of people who experience a lonely lifestyle. Growing old can bring people into the situations that makes them feel and live in emotional and social isolation.

Loneliness is different from solitude or depression. Some people think that social activities can relieve loneliness. Actually, "company" may not cure loneliness for the long term. Social activities can reduce a sense of loneliness temporarily; however, a lonely person needs to have meaningful activities and true friends to care, share and support. It takes time and courage to explore and meet their needs to reduce loneliness. Here are some ways to handle loneliness:

n Form new relationships which may repair a sense of emptiness and loneliness.

n Be confident about your ability to deal with loneliness. Remember, if you make some effort, things can become better.

n Spend your energy on friendships, groups and activities which you like.

n Work with people on special projects.

n Build and maintain your social network. Keep in touch with people to help you find acceptance and belonging.

n Do things for others. Volunteering to help people or the community will let you feel good about yourself. If there is no volunteer work in your community, you may get some projects going.

n Work. Do some work every day at least. Work is a natural antidote to reduce loneliness. Work at home can be joyful, however, work at the workplace can expand opportunities to interact.

n Believe in yourself. This builds your confidence and competency to control your lifestyle. Remember, you are the only one who can get rid of the feeling of loneliness.

Having Sex Vs Making Love


This is daring but it's a fact. Enjoy!

What is the difference,
With making love and having sex?

With sex,
There's no emotional involvement.

With love there is.

Sex can be performed with anyone,

With love,
That person has to be someone special.

Sex is Lust,

Making Love involves Love.

Today many don't believe in love,
The word has many meanings,
But none of them are express in today's society.

Sex is preverted love.

Even through sex and love to many is the same,

There is a differences,
I'm here today to make this claim,
So when you met someone for the first time,
Do you want to go to bed with them because of Lust or Love?
Let me explain.
For me,
If I meet someone on the street,
And is turn on because,
She has a big butt,
Big breast,
Big beautiful lips,
Nice hips,
If I see that person only for that,
It's lust,
I want sex.
But If that same person in which I meet,
Interest me,
I get to know her,
I enjoy talking to her,
Being around her,
Seeing more then just the body,
That is love,

Two in love can have sex,

But two in lust,
Can't make love,
These are my diffenences,
Between,
Making Love and Having Sex.
Copr.1999 Larry "Ajani" Bolin Published by Sabaoth Enterprise

Top Ten Tips for Sustaining Relationship


Do you want to know how to keep the romance in your marriage alive? Then, read on the top ten tips given below for sustaining your relationship…



One of the 10 best ideas for sustaining relationships is to talk, talk and talk. Never let a communication gap crop up between the two of you.

Giving small little things as gifts to your partner is definitely going to make your partner glow throughout the day.

Join some hobby classes like dancing. It will ensure that you two spend time together as well as bring you two closer to each other.

Never ever fail to express your feelings. Tell your partner how much you love him/her as often as possible.

Small little gestures like sending a romantic sms or e-mail will go a long way in making you love last throughout your marriage.

Remember all the important dates of your relationship like birthdays, anniversary, etc. Reserve those days especially for your partner and celebrate them together.

Always trust your partner. Suspicion is one of the major reasons behind failed relationships.

Take a break from the mundane life and go for outings once in a while.

Flirting is a nice way to relive the old moments as well as to bring back the zing in your relationship.

Last but not the least, spend quality time with each other. Even if you get a few moments alone, make the most of them.