IT'S TIME TO CALL IT QUIT!

A friend once said that most marriages are forced to survive. When i asked what she meant, she noted that most married people were unhappy but would swallow the painful pill of endurance to stick to their spouses.
Whatever the case maybe, i'm thankful we have to date before tying the nuptial knots. So we can decide to walk out or stick to the dude, aight?

The big question is, When should a relationship break up?

Simple: when it no longer provides benefit to one or both partners. In other words, if you aren’t getting what you want or need from being with someone, or if you recognize that your partner isn’t getting what they want or need it’s time to move on.

I’ve had some people say to me, “Isn’t that a little selfish – what about the person you’re dumping?” To this I answer, “How can it be good for someone to stay with a person that doesn’t want to be with him or her?” After all, how low does your self-esteem (let alone your self-respect) have to be to want to do this? It is by far much healthier to go about finding the relationship that works for you – that gives you what you need, than to apathetically cling to something that isn’t fulfilling. Life is too short for this, and you deserve better.

So, how do you know when to break off your relationship? Here are 10 signs to watch for. Note that most people encounter one, two or more of these things periodically. However if you’re finding that you experience more than a few consistently – over a longer period, it’s probably time to move on:

10. You no longer look forward to spending time alone with your partner.
You may still have a good sex life (or not!) but actually talking to your partner seems like a chore. If spending time alone with your partner seems like a prison sentence you may be up for a parole.

9. You begin comparing your partner to others.
This is particularly true when other people seem more appealing to you. We all find others – often those we don’t have – attractive. If however, you find that you’re comparing specific traits – a person’s voice, their neatness, they way they carry themselves, etc., against others; especially things your partner can’t change - you should re-evaluate your relationship.

8. You criticize or “micro-manage” your partner.
If you’re always concerned that your partner’s socks aren’t exactly right for his pants, or that she wears too much make-up, or that he or she just can’t seem to take their responsibilities seriously, don’t look at them – look at yourself. People that are in love tend to look beyond minor annoyances to the bigger picture. If you’re having trouble doing this you may want to work on your exit plan.

7. You start trying to change your partner.
Many people fall in love with people that excite them, but find that this excitement isn’t good for them in the long term. On the other hand, they may find someone “stable” that doesn’t provide enough variety in their relationship. If you find that you’re constantly trying to convert your partner from the person you fell in love with, it may be time to bolt.

6. You re-connect with ex lovers.
It’s one thing to send an ex-girlfriend a birthday card. It is entirely another to take her out for dinner and a movie “just to catch up”. The trick here is to be honest about your motivations. If you had the chance to sleep with him or her, would you? Are you looking for approval or an ego-boost from him or her? Have you forgotten why you broke up in the first place?

5. His or her jokes are no longer funny.
Of course, you may have heard them 1,000 times, but people in love tend to look beyond this repetitiveness. They see that their partner is being humorous, not how funny something is or isn’t.

4. You’re doing all the giving – or all the getting.
Relationships are about mutual benefit. If one partner is benefiting over the other, the relationship isn’t healthy. This doesn’t mean that everything should be exactly balanced. For example, just because one partner spends #50,000 on a birthday present, that the other should spend exactly that amount. Nor does it mean that both partners should always split a dinner cheque. If one person pays all the time, and the other doesn’t at least cook a few meals, there is something wrong – and unhealthy about the relationship.

3. You constantly find ways to include others in your activities.
Always including others indicates that you’re not looking forward to being alone with your partner. Of course, you need time with your friends, but if you never have private time, or the only time you’re alone is when you’re having sex, perhaps the problem is in the company.

2. Your friends no longer like being around you when you’re with your partner.
Your friends don’t have to dislike your partner – perhaps they don’t like what affect your partner has on YOU! Consider that your relationship with your friends is at least as important in the long run as your relationship with your partner. In fact, it may be MORE important as they will see you as you really are, and will be there even if he or she isn’t – IF you treat them right!

1. You no longer feel good about yourself.
At first, this seems like a strange warning sign about your relationship, but think about how you felt when you first hooked up with your partner. You felt great – about yourself and your world. If this is now lacking where it was there before, you may want to look at your relationship.

So when you feel the aforementioned or perceive as the case maybe, i suggest you kiss your partner goodbye.


Lots of Love,
'N'

AM I IN LOVE?

I remember when i first fell in love. Boy, it was so feverish.
I kept having inexplicable thumps in my heart. My tummy churned at the sight of him and my face shone like the sun. I felt i would die if i didn't see him every hour.
Those days of innocence... Was that really love?

One of the toughest questions in life is, “Is this love?” How can you know for sure that you are really in love? When you were a kid, you might have thought you were deeply and madly in love with the girl who sat next to you in Biology.

You thought about her all of the time and you figured you’d grow up and marry her. Now that you’re older, you probably realize that those were your pubescent and confusing hormones in action.

The trouble is, your hormones can still make you think you’re in love! So how do you know if it’s love, lust, desperation or a crush? The incredibly heady feelings that precede real love leave us with pounding hearts and churning stomachs.

These feelings can make you feel good, excited, foolish and like you could sprint five miles. They’re all a part of love, or the beginnings. But before we look too closely at love, let’s take a quick look at those feelings that can (sort of) mimic love:

Lust – It’s simple to identify because it’s based on her sexuality. You aren’t too interested in what she thinks or the names of her two cats. Lust doesn’t often turn into love, but it’s nice to be in love and feel lust for that person.
Desperation – A sinking feeling of grasping. You feel like you really need her to like you and you can’t stand to think of her with anyone else. You just want her to
want you.

A Crush – It’s sort of like the beginnings of love. You feel all of those butterflies or bumble bees in your stomach when you see her. You think about her a lot. You grin when you think about her. A crush begins the same way as love, and sometimes turns into love over time.

But love, once the excited butterfly stage passes, grows into something that a crush itself does not, and desperation or lust can’t. The signs you’re in love are subtle, but you can recognize them:

You still like (love) her after she’s done something annoying. You might be ticked off at her if she’s done something really bone-headed, but you still want to be with her. Not because you’re desperate and you just want her to be the one, but because you still truly like her.

You’re willing to do things that you wouldn’t have considered in the past. Not bad things, but things that are just weird for you – like going to the ballet with her because she loves it so much. You aren’t doing this because she’s guilted you into it, or because of some pathological need to please her, but because you sincerely want to do things with her that will give her pleasure.

You begin to imagine the future with her in it. Not just next week, but the next year or decade or a lifetime. You think about growing into a life with her and it doesn’t nauseate you or cause panic.
You feel loyal to her.

Knowing you’re in love isn’t about the excitement, although it’s nice when you have an exciting relationship even after you’ve been together for years. Love is about the comfort and the feeling of being able to share your life and yourself with her. When you start feeling like that, you can safely assume that you’re well on your way to being in love.

Remember, I Love You,

'N'

MEETING HIM ON YOUR TURF

Many singles believe they can only meet the person of their dreams at colourful events or designated spots.
Oh, he's got to be at my friend's wedding. He is likely to be at the Summer Camp, I've got to look drop dead gorgeous today 'cause he will definitely be at the Workshop...

For those who are single and looking for a relationship there is always the opportunity to meet potential partners. Wherever you go and whatever you do, it is likely that you will meet people along the way and will have the opportunity and maybe even foster romantic relationships.
Weddings, Camps and Workshops aren’t the only way to meet potential partners. Your everyday activities afford you the opportunity to meet new people and foster relationships with them. Whether you are running errands or engaging in a hobby, you are likely to find people participating in the same activities as you.

Shopping is an example of an everyday activity that can lead to a potential date. Everyone has to eat and it is likely that the grocery store will be visited by at least a few other people during the course of your visit, even if you shop at off peak hours.
Single women in particular are likely to meet single men while out grocery shopping. In most committed relationships either the woman does the shopping by themselves or the couple shops together. Very rarely do men in a committed relationship take care of the grocery shopping responsibility for their household. For this reason, if you see a man out shopping by himself, it is very likely that he is single. Single women can take advantage of this fact by approaching men with high hopes that they are single.

Striking up a casual conversation about the quality of the produce or the prices of the dairy products is one way to get a conversation going. Once you make the initial contact, it may be easy to maintain the conversation. If things seem to be going well you could consider asking your fellow shopper to join you for coffee or lunch to continue your conversation in a more relaxed atmosphere.

Those who enjoy working out and embrace fitness as a part of their everyday life may find the opportunity to meet potential dates at their local gym. This is a great opportunity to meet individuals who share similar interests. Whether you enjoy using the weight machines, the cardio machines or running on an indoor track you are likely to notice potential partners who share your commitment to fitness and who are equally dedicated to obtaining optimal health.

Consider approaching another member of the gym and strike up a conversation about how getting to the gym is a tremendous effort but once you are there you always wind up feeling better about yourself. If you are both enjoying the conversation try inviting your new friend on a date that includes physical activity such as mountain biking or hiking.

Singles who enjoy reading may find that a library or bookstore is an excellent place to meet potential dates. Chances are that you already frequent these locations so next time instead of focusing on the aisles of books, try noticing the other people in the library or bookstore. Wander the aisles as you normally would but pay special attention to those who share your interests. One way to start a conversation in this situation is to offer your opinion of a book that you notice someone considering.

They may be trying to decide whether or not to check out or purchase the book and if you can offer them your opinion it might help them make their decision and also elicit and attraction to you. They will be flattered that you noticed them and appreciative that you offered your opinion on whether or not to invest time and money into reading the book.

Many libraries have conference rooms available for use and many bookstores have coffee bars within the store making these two locations perfect for impromptu dates. You could suggest continuing your conversation in one of the conference rooms or over a cup of coffee. This offers the opportunity to have an immediate date and also offers the security of having your first date take place in a well-populated, public location.

People are everywhere and it is almost impossible to leave your house without meeting at least a few people along the way. Whether you are completing mundane errands or participating in a leisure activity you are bound to meet a few people who could be potential dates.

Knowing how to start a conversation and how to parlay that conversation into a date, if things are going well, will help you to turn any situation into an opportunity to meet potential dates.

Now you've got these hot tips on dating on your turf, put these into action and come back smiling to my blog.

Love ya!

'N'

GETTING OVER YOUR EX.

Heart-breaks could be life-changing. It either softens and weakens you or harden and toughen you.
But beneath the seeming toughness lies a vacuum aching to be filled. Sometimes we suppress the hurt and try pretending the hurt no longer exists. It's great to be strong but how about trying these...

Getting over someone whom you devoted all your time for so many months or even years is no walk in the park. Undergoing the process of denial, depression and anger is natural but sulking in your room for longer than necessary while watching the whole world passes you by isn’t healthy anymore. Wake up! You need to move on.Here are few tips on how to start picking up those pieces down to the fixing your broken heart.


1. Cry.

Face the fact that you’re sad and depressed. There’s no point of hiding it to the world most especially to yourself. Lock yourself in your room and cry. Sob or even wail all you want, it’s alright. Just cry to let out all the heartaches you are feeling. We who have been hurt before know it hurts so badly and the pain is so unbearable. You can let it out by all means. You might get puffy and swollen eyebags but at least you’re not stressing your way to sickness. Remember, it is healthy to express your anger and hurt. You can vent your feelings and relieve the tension and stress you feel inside.


2. Lend Some Ear.

When in pain and confused, it is always advisable to have someone around. Pouring over your sentiments with a friend over a bottle or a cup of coffee is a great catharsis. Who cares if you have told the story a hundred times already to your friends? As long as the anguish is still there just keep on talking. It will soothe your soul.


3. Don’t Listen to Love Songs.

As we all know, love songs tend to stir our emotional side, so be wary and don’t let yourself indulge into listening to love songs when you’re broken hearted. You’ll end up feeling like a complete loser and that’s the last thing you want to happen.


4. Keep Yourself Busy.

Do the things that you neglected to do because you were busy with someone else before. Finish your project that you left idle for almost a month now. Open that novel where your bookmark has been on the same chapter for already a year. Do all the things you’ve been dying to do before but just didn’t have the time. Organize an out of town trip with your friends or try hosting a party. Be with happy people and absorb their vibes.


5. Reminisce.

This may sound weird but is sometimes effective. If avoiding all the places you two have been and all the things both of you were doing before didn’t come up with a good result, then might as well try this one. No, reminiscing doesn’t mean that you have to punish yourself by reliving the memories you once shared, it’s just a way of making yourself immune to all the pains he has caused and for you to face the reality. Remembering the good times you have spent together will somehow make you realize that life isn’t bad after all. Believe me, in time, you will just find yourself laughing at all the things that happened and it will somehow make you proud also because you have overcome them all.


6. Start a Diary.

Start writing in a journal and make it your new best friend. Jot down all the dreadful things that happened to you and purge out all the things that’s on your mind, no holds barred. Confess to your new best friend how despicable your boyfriend is and vow to forget him the soonest time possible.


7. Clean up the Clutters.

It’s time to pick up the pieces and clean up the clutters of your once shattered life. A closing doesn’t necessarily mean a shut down; it’s just a phase that everyone needs to undergo to pave way for a new start. Keep away from your sight all the things that bring back memories of you together. Put them in a box and make sure you’ll never get a glimpse of it to avoid temptation to look at them again. And when I mean keep away from sight, just toss it aside first, not return to the giver.


8. Pamper yourself.

Head to the spa, gym or even to the parlor for a complete makeover. Enough of the sulking days, it’s unfair for you to see him happy while you are still there in your room wallowing in despair. Give yourself a treat and stop looking miserable. You wouldn’t want to look wretched when the hands of fate suddenly give you the person who will completely ease your broken heart, would you?

Now you know how to get the burden off your chest, Stay hooked for more exciting tips.

Love y'all,
'N'

HANDLING DATING DISASTERS.

I love reading articles by other writers. Now this is one article that will come in handy someday... Have fun!

Even the most well planned date can turn into a complete disaster. The keys to dealing with these disasters as they arrive include preparing ahead of time, maintaining a calm attitude, being honest with your date and being willing to laugh at yourself in certain situations. Keeping these ideas in mind will help you to weather the storms that may arise on a date.

You and your date may be two very compatible people who are sharing a date filled with activities that you both enjoy but even this ideal date has the potential for disaster. One thing that can bring an otherwise fun filled date to a screeching halt is having the conversation come to a lull.

Even two people with a lot in common may reach a point on the date where the both run out of things to say and the conversation becomes awkward. This is perfectly natural as dating in itself is somewhat awkward so it is understandable that there may be moments when the conversation fades.

Although this is natural, if you allow it to persist the date could become a disaster leaving both of you feeling uncomfortable. The simple way to avoid this situation is to plan ahead and have a list of conversation starters planned. This doesn’t mean to actually bring a list along on your date and pull it out when the conversation fizzles out but do think about a few interesting things you would like to talk about on the date so that even if you get nervous, you will have a few ideas of what to talk about.

Choosing a very popular restaurant can also have the potential for dating disaster. If you plan to go out on a weekend night to a very popular restaurant you run the risk of having a substantial waiting period before you are seated. If the restaurant does not take reservations and you are determined to take your date to this restaurant, be prepared for the long wait.

While you are waiting, it is important to maintain a calm attitude and not become agitated by the length of the wait. If you become upset, your date is likely to sense your frustration and will also begin to feel upset. Remaining calm and keeping your date entertained with pleasant conversation is one way to avert the dating disaster that often results from a long wait to be seated at a restaurant.
Blind dates are simply dating disasters waiting to happen. Friends and family members often think that they know who your ideal match would be but they are also often wrong.

When you agree to be set up on a blind date, it is important to go into the date with a spirit of adventure that will enable you to have a good time and see past any flaws that your blind date may have. The way to truly avoid a dating disaster though is to be honest with your blind date about your feelings. They are likely a little apprehensive about being set up as well but if you break the ice by letting your date know that you are nervous they won’t feel so nervous either. Also it is important to be honest on a blind date.

Failure to do so can lead to the disaster of having your date leave at the end of the date with an inaccurate opinion on your view of the date. Blind dates can be fun filled adventures if you allow honesty to prevail.

Another popular dating disaster involves one of the members of the date, doing something that is embarrassing. Whether you trip while carrying dinner from a take out restaurant or spill hot chocolate on your date, your clumsiness is setting up the date for disaster. It’s important to remember that these mishaps happen to everyone and that they do not mean that the date has to end immediately. If you are able to laugh about the incident, your date will realize that it is okay for them to laugh as well.

However, if you are uptight about the incident and refuse to see the lighter side, your date will feel awkward and not quite sure what to say. Letting your date know that you see the humor in your mistake helps to avoid a dating disaster.
Every date has the potential to lead to disaster but in most cases these disasters are easily avoided or solved.

Being calm and accepting of your own faults are two simple ways to solve dating disasters. Also, being prepared for certain situations can be one way to put a quick end to dating disasters.

RESOLVING CONFLICTS

This was culled from a page somewhere... i hope it touches a heart or more, Enjoy!

Conflicts are natural to romantic relationships. There is no one couple that has not experienced disagreements and some fighting in the course of the partnership. And as many as there are instances when the yin clashes with the yang, there, too, are healthy ways to resolve them without having to resort to breakup threats.

For example, if you've set up a dinner date with your partner and he or she turns up two hours late, your first instinct is to lash out at him or her and machine-gun enumerate all the mistakes he or she has done in the past. It doesn't take a genius to know that this is a no-no.

Before you make any assumptions and go HYSTERIC, hear the explanation out first. No conflict has ever been resolved with a hot head. It will be difficult but once you've understood why he or she was not able to make it to your date on time you'll be thankful you efforted to be calm and patient. Of course, if the person does this all the time, then perhaps a scolding is in order.

There are many things you can do resolve conflicts.

You can invite your partner out for a make up date,you can cook dinner or buy flowers or you can write a sweet letter or record a romantic song.

These sound like really cheesy ideas, but they often work -- because they can be rather funny.

In the height of an argument, inserting a joke or a funny comment at the right time can have you both laughing ang giggling, and eventually forgetting that you were bickering.

There are two things vital to conflict resolution: listening, not just hearing, and knowing when it's time to back down. A fight between a couple is not a competition.

Couples often get into a screaming match because each wants the other to see only his or her point of view. This is why things get messy. While it's sometimes not really your fault that you're arguing, it won't hurt to raise up your hands and wave the white flag (if only to end the screaming match that's really getting nowhere).

If you love the person you're with, pride and dominance should not be an issue. Of course, this doesn't mean that you have to be acquiescent and submissive.

When you listen to the other person's point of view, you have to truly open your ears and mind. Do not harbor preconceived notions about the what’s and whys of the argument. More importantly, do not dwell on the what-ifs. What-ifs are things that may or may not happen, and basing your argument on what could have been will just have both of you going in dizzying circles.

In the end, accept that conflicts are common and are inevitable. You are two different people in one relationship. You will predictably end up at a point where your ideas will be at odds. The best thing you can do is to understand at the onset that this is natural and that, when it happens, you two have to sit down and hear each other out first before making any conclusions. Of course, this is easier said than done. But what successful relationship hasn't experienced trouble? It is this that builds a stronger bond.

So how about giving these a chance?

Love you!

'N'

How to Spot a Liar!

He is sweet, charming, everything you need in a man.
He seems to know the right words to say, his tongue is so sugar-coated you could neutralise the effect of gall.
Oh! you caught him say something that sounded untrue.
Again?
Oh-Oh! Wait a minute, Is he really the guy whose advances you yielded to?
Here, we are...
He is nothing but a wanna-be phonie!

You can choose to confront the situation at the onset, or let it blow over and worry about the consequences later. However, more likely than not, you won’t like how things are going to turn out.
Don’t allow yourself to be hoodwinked. Read about the telltale signs below and you’re sure to find out if your sweetie is betraying you or not.


Being Overly Defensive.

When you question a guilty person of his whereabouts the previous night, more often than not, he will start throwing accusations at you, like telling you how possessive you are even though it was just the first time you dropped the question. His mission is to put you on a tense mode so the attention will be veered away from him. Thus, start to be wary when your guy suddenly reacts violently with a simple a question as “So, what were you doing last night?”


Being Paranoid.
Some people feed their partners’ paranoia just to conceal their own infidelities. He will either accuse you of seeing someone else, for you not to get the idea that he’s really the one fooling you. So the next time he starts pointing the finger at you, reply with “Why are you always paranoid, are you sure I have no reasons to be either?” Then see how he reacts. Guilty persons will be taken aback with that kind of question.


Being Over Confident.

By and large, a show of over confidence usually denotes bluffing. It is because some people think that by acting confident, they can make others believe that they have the power and credibility in everything they say or do. Wrong; because if someone is really certain about what he says or does, there’s no need for him to act all-knowing.


Catch the Fish Through It’s Mouth.

Although the greatest of liars have already mastered the art of telling a lie by projecting a guiltless look and answer. There are still clue-words to watch out for in his answers to find out if he’s really fibbing or not. The reply “I can't explain anything about that” when you ask him about the reason why he needs to attend an out of town seminar, is a sign that he is avoiding having to give out extra information for fear of being caught.


Answering “I don't remember” when you insist that he tell you where he has been the night his cell phone was out of reach, is a clear-cut sign that he doesn’t care to look back on his unfaithfulness and he needs to end the conversation at once. These replies are just some of the examples identified by a retired Maryland State Police, Investigation and Interviewing and Interrogation expert, in a course titled “Identifying Lies in Disguise.”
However, these are merely indicators that a person might not be telling the truth, so they must not be used as a sole basis for convicting someone. Rather, use them as a signal for you to investigate further to avoid getting duped.


Pauses before Answering.

If it takes forever for your guy to answer a single question that is answerable by a simple yes or no, then it’s time to switch that radar on. He might still be collecting his thoughts and trying to make up stories to fool you. Wake up and smell the coffee. It’s obvious, even without a cheater detector, and you can automatically sense if he’s doing nasty things behind your back.

Is Your Man A Loser?

Hi folks, it feels good falling in love and knowing that someone feels the same about you but sometimes some guys love to play on ladise' emotions. More like taking advantage of their 'yes'.
Here are tips on some kind of men not to hook up with. Guys, don't get all crossed. This is for the sisters.

The Abuser
This kind of guy is bad news. He can start out as a gentleman and tell you he'll never do or say anything to hurt you again after he does. But, the truth of the matter is, he won't change. If a guy has a nasty temper and begins to show inclinations toward abuse (either physically or verbally), you should get out of that relationship at once.
Abusive guys start out nice and you probably won't be able to spot them until they're in abuse mode. This usually comes out when your relationship turns serious and he starts to become possessive and aggressive. If he has hit you once, don't believe him when he says he won't do so again. He will and you should leave.

The Meantime Guy
Or, as most women like to call him, the "I Have No Idea What I Saw In Him" guy. He may seem all right at first. That is, you started going out with him because he seemed like a nice person and he was available. However, when it boils down to the nitty gritty of the relationship itself, you discover that your relationship really has no strong foundation. You have nothing to talk about and share no interests in common. Worse, you cringe when people see you together in public. It's not really him that's the problem. It's the basis of the relationship - very shallow.
Why are you still with this guy, again? End it now.

The Self-Absorbed Guy
This guy only thinks of himself and does not care about your opinions. He believes that you will never equal him and that you should just pay attention to fulfilling HIS needs (making yours only secondary and, therefore, unimportant). He does not want you to share his level and it will be futile to try to make him think in your favor. You're worth more than this kind of treatment. You should be with someone who shares the limelight with you and listens to what you have to say.

The Suddenly Distant Guy
Girls should watch out for this kind of guy because he can never stay put in one place, or in one relationship, for too long. Sure, some guys start out great but, then, all of a sudden, with no obvious reason, he becomes distant and acts all weird. Slowly you grow apart. You bang your head against the wall trying to explain his behavior and what might have triggered it.
Often, your paranoia will lead you to believe that something is wrong with you. There isn't. He is the problem. If he won't share his feelings and problems with you, it's not likely that your relationship will flourish any further. End it while it's still bearable. You will only be dragging the occurrence of the inevitable (a breakup) if you hold on and try to convince yourself that things will eventually change.